Wendy and I had planned to ride the bus into the city together this morning. As usual, I was running late as I was getting ready, so she left for the bus stop without me. When I arrived, she was two people ahead of me in the line that forms daily to board the usually overcrowded bus.
After a few moments of hesitation in my place in line, I walked up and stood next to Wendy. I was clearly out of the line, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. As runners began to pass, I eased out of their way and nearer the growing line. Apparently this was perceived by the man next to us (one of the two who separated my and Wendy's place in line) as an act of open hostility. After a few minutes of chatting, he abruptly stated "You do know you're going to the back of the line, right?"
In all honesty, I had every intention of going to the back of the line (or at least back to my original place in it). His aggression caught many of us in line by surprise. I tried to explain to him that it was my intention to go to the back of the line, but the shock of his angry response also made me less-than-articulate about my plans. He began shouting expletives as I wondered with fellow riders what could make him so aggressive.
Admittedly, at this point I began to prod him a bit. After stepping on the bus, which was unusually empty for a Wednesday, I loudly declared, "Wow! Look at all the empty seats on the bus today!" This further set him off, and everyone on the bus heard what he had to say to me. Other people who had been at the bus stop or understood what was going on in the bus began to question his anger as well, suggesting that he "Relax, man."
The rest of the twenty minute bus ride was passed with Wendy and me chatting, trying to cover our shock and residual confusion with idle conversation (a bit of it about him). Whispers between us and by people nearby were somewhat focused on "the Jerk," making him out to be angry for no apparent reason. My reaction to such hostile interactions often leaves me shaken for some time afterward, running the situation through my head over and over. On top of this, I anticipated seeing him at the bus stop again and I was concerned about future interactions (he was not a small man).
Shortly before getting off the bus, I moved to sit next to him. I didn't intend to say anything right away, as I was worried I may set him off again. He started the brief conversation by apologizing for his reaction. He explained that he had just wished I made my intentions clear as soon as I stepped out of line in front of him. I apologized as well, explaining that I had planned to let him pass me in line.
He introduced himself, and asked how long I had lived in the area. I told him, and he shared a bit about himself. It was clear that he didn't say it to excuse his behavior, but he explained that he had just returned from Afghanistan and that he was having a bit of a hard time figuring out how things work in the area. At that instant, I felt both relieved by our newfound civility and awful about my earlier assumptions regarding him. Suddenly he was a vet trying to reintegrate after being at war, and I assumed he was just an angry man who hated his job.
The GSP was no comparison, but it at least gave me a bit of appreciation for how difficult the task of reacclimation can be after living in a place so different. Add a combat situation on top of that, and I can't imagine what he was going through. His aggression was suddenly understood and (at least partly) justified.
It was both a slap across the face and a moment of Zen. All combined on a morning bus ride.
Flown by Mark Mislivec at 02:34 PM on November 29, 2006
He probably felt like it was one of the few situations he could control. Proof positive that an open mind can lead to a peaceful resolution, and that you can negotiate with people that "want to kill you".
Good post, Mark. After my uncle returned from Afghanistan, he said he especially had problems in...shopping malls. He had been so trained to watch out for every little thing (and a plane or helicopter he was in had been shot down, if I recall the story correctly, I didn't get or want all of the details) and the busy-ness of malls and street life made him very jumpy.
