This is a Guest Entry posted by ML and Amanda
ML lives in the Pacific northwest. ML lives in a small town. ML did not believe that things could get worse than the thong above the jeans' line trend.
ML has spent two weeks in Atlanta and has labeled the city "A Walking Fashion Distaster."
Folks, if you are wearing or with someone who is wearing the following, you are into Slut Couture. Please, redeem yourself.
Slut Couture:
Bad: A fine-gauge pink knit top sliding off of one shoulder, showing the top of the back of your black bra, the fine-gauge knit showing from the front that the bra is textured.
Really Bad: Said pink top sliding off of the second shoulder, too.
Atrocious: Said thing occuring in front of a judge while you are in court.
Setting: June 29th, Fulton Co. Traffic Court, State Court, GA.
Bad: Obvious makeup faux pas.
Really Bad: Strangers having the ability to count mascara-clumped eyelashes from six feet away, eyebrows tweezed to one single line of hair, hair bleached to straw, highlights that too-obviously came from the Clairol Herbal Essences "Streaking Party" kit complete with skunk stripes, wearing lipstick liner drawn on by a child.
Atrocious: Looking as such in the middle of the day at a beauty supply store.
Setting: ULTA, July 5th, mid-afternoon.
Bad: Wearing ill-fitting clothes when you have a great body, not to be confused with the category of ill-fitting clothes when you have a less-than-great body.
Really Bad: Butt cheeks showing and hanging out from under your boy-cut shorts.
Atrocious: Obviously practiced walk created so that said cheeks trot and bounce around in the deli section of the supermarket.
Setting: Publix Grocery, July 5th, evening.
Beyond Slut Couture, extending into Poor Deportment:
Bad: Wearing ill-fitting clothes when you have a less-than-great body, not to be confused with the category of ill-fitting clothes when you have a great body.
Really Bad: Belly hanging over the top of a low-rise jean skirt without the benefit of a top that skims over the area.
Atrocious: A short skirt on a young woman who has not been taught the merits of keeping her knees together when sitting in public, thus providing unwelcome Gyno-Cam shots. Baby, if you want to do that, wear a prettier thong and take a page from the Sex and the City girls: Brazilian.
Setting: Starbucks café, Cumberland Mall, July 1st, daytime.
Bad: Ugly tattoo on the small of ones back.
Really Bad: Tugging the crotch of your shorts. Which, by the way, your belly is hanging over.
Atrocious: Displays of public affection where one is tempted to say, "Get a motel room."
Setting: Starbucks counter, Cumberland Mall, July 1st, daytime.
If you have commited any of these faux pas, please, PLEASE GET A FULL-LENGTH MIRROR!
Signing off,
ML and Amanda, not the Fashion Police, simply concerned citizens.
Flown by Amanda at 06:49 PM on July 07, 2004
